六月,森林,夏天,無眠

年齡不應是讓人感到有壓力的東西來的,是嗎,忘掉年齡的人也許會是最開懷最樂觀的人。我不擔心年齡,但年齡是相對的東西,我的數字在增大,每個人的數字也在增大。我討厭。

這麼快就一年了。我還停留在上年的夏天,是人生最痛苦亦最無奈的一個夏天。我經歷了人生的一半,得到了人生的一半,失去了人生的一半。如果生命是一個方塊遊戲,我的生命應是缺少了重要的一塊,永久地。當然,方塊永遠有不同的組合及變化,人人都得經歷變化,可是當失去了那一塊時,你就是失去了那一塊。

我仍然覺得人生很虛幻,很不真實,突然覺得一切輕得像煙。什麼都失去了重量,彷似,一吹,這個世界就會被吹散了。

我在想像,一個人在一個盒子裏,在黑暗裏,很悶很孤獨。我想起聞一多的《死水》。當我昨晚凌晨三點多與同層的人再一次三更半夜,在挪威現在幾乎沒有夜晚的凌晨時份,那只是深藍色的天空下,我的雙腳一步一步踩上濕濕的泥土,我想起了《死水》。那些泥。那些森林或是大自然的聲音。我想起。

我不知道我下一站在哪裏。很不安定。但我相信,我會找到方法,像在森林裏,我們總找到出口,我不喜歡森林。不是,我感到我不想一個人在享受這個森林,我希望,你也能享受這個森林。

真正的朋友,請不要跟我說生日快樂。其實我一直最討厭。


老豆和我,六月十八

六月十八這一天我出生了,二零一零年的六月十八日,陳爸爸選擇在這天離開這個世界了。

老爸常說我們太倚賴他了,也許,這是老爸給我們的考驗,長大了,要重新生活,更硬淨,更有鬥志,像老爸。

關於老爸的事,我不會單靠這樣一個ENTRY來解釋,亦無法細訴,關於老爸,關於我們,以更大形式待續。

老爸的話,我早一直記在心牢。像好友添說,從此我的生日,就添加了我老爸的人生,為他的人生喝彩—替老爸活好他的一份。

生有盡,活無限。我明白。

從老爸身上學習,從音樂上學習,從幽默學習。Always look on the bright side of death,Life’s a piece of shit,
When you look at it,Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true.
You’ll see it’s all a show,
Keep ‘em laughing as you go.
眼淚停不了,用笑聲壓制。

繼續尤默。

Some things in life are bad,
They can really make you mad,
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you’re chewing on life’s gristle
Don’t grumble, give a whistle.
And this’ll help things turn out for the best.
And….
Always look on the bright side of life, (whistle)
Always look on the bright side of life, (whistle)
If life seems jolly rotten,
There’s something you’ve forgotten,
And that’s to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you’re feeling in the dumps,
Don’t be silly chumps.
Just purse your lips and whistle, that’s the thing.
And…
Always look on the bright side of life. (whistle)
Come on…
Always look on the bright side of life…
For life is quite absurd,
And death’s the final word,
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin,
Give the audience a grin,
Enjoy it – it’s your last chance anyhow.
So always look on the bright side of death,
Just before you draw your terminal breath,
Life’s a piece of shit,
When you look at it,
Life’s a laugh and death’s a joke, it’s true.
You’ll see it’s all a show,
Keep ‘em laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
And always look on the bright side of life,
Always look on the right side of life,
Come on guys, cheer up.
Always look on the bright side of life.
Worse things happen at sea, you know.
Always look on the bright side of life.
I mean – what have you got to lose?
You know, you come from nothing,
you’re going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!